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I pass the reef. The next thing I see is the rock. It is black, that makes it special. Everything on this island is so light, it almost hurts my eyes to see this black rock. I touch it. My hands feel the heat. It seems as if the sun tries to melt it, so hot is it. The first thing I thought about the rock was that it doesn’t fit here. The same way I don’t fit on the island. I watch the water crashing upon it, the waves breaking in front of it. I sit down for a while and I touch the foam the waves left on the sand. I wonder how long the rock will offer resistance against the water and the sun. And I wonder if I will ever see my hometown again. The noisy sea spray and the growing hunger stop my thoughts. It is time for a meal. |
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But now I am hungry. In the first days I was on the island, I didn’t
eat anything. I didn’t dare to eat beetles or roots. Now I am used to.
It was hard but I was able to outwit myself. Snails can taste like mushrooms
when you want to survive!
After finishing my dinner, I take my diary. I have to write in very small letters because I am afraid the sheets will be full before I will be able to get new ones. Writing my thoughts down is the only conversation I have. But now it is getting too dark for writing. I lay back and watch the sunset. The sky burns. It is such an incredible colour, like blood. I cannot remember seeing such kind of sunset in Scotland. I am not sure if there weren’t sunsets like these or if I just did not notice them. I catch myself promising to watch the sunset when I should ever return home. I also remember the words my grandmother used to say: "A sunset is something very special! There is just one each day." I never understood these words - because I never had this view before. Being up here on the hill gives me the feeling of touching the sky, of joining something special. I close my eyes and I still see that perfect red. |
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The next morning I wake up pretty soon. It is warm again. I decide to look for some food because my provisions are nearly eaten. So I take my pocket-knife and start wandering down the hill. Once I found another cave, outside of it I ate a strange kind of berries. First I was afraid they could be toxic, but my hunger was bigger than my fear. They are still there. They taste even more sweeter than they did the last time. The cave looks very big, it could be a good place to hide for animals. While I am thinking about that, I suddenly hear a strange noise. I turn around and I stop breathing. But it is only a seagull. I feel my pulse knocking in my throat. After a deep breath I observe this beautiful animal. The seagull doesn’t notice me (I knew this cave is special!), it flies around, looking for food. It passes by, I cannot see it anymore. I take a little stone from the cave with me as a lucky charm, for protecting me. |
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I didn’t sleep in my bed that night.
Today I will try to clear up my mind, I will try to catch some fish. It takes me a few hours to find the right place. I choose one of those smaller white cliffs on the north side of the island. I wasn’t sure about that cliff, because it is very slippery, especially without shoes, but It must also be the perfect place to fish. The water around it isn’t pretty low. But now I am willing to try it. I climb on the cliff very carefully - I still know how it feels to cut a part of your body on a cliff like this. So I throw out my fishing line. For a long time nothing happens. But then, it must be a very big, well-tasting fish! I can hardly hold the rod. It doesn’t stop pulling. I feel my feed slipping away, I hear the impact... Then nothing. |
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I have never noticed how sand feels under naked feed. I guess it is
because in Scotland nobody walks through the sand without shoes. It feels
like velvet, warm, subtle velvet - and I like it.
This island, wherever it is, and the fact of being all alone doesn’t scare me anymore. The one thing that scares me is that I ruminate on sand... So I keep on walking. Passing this enormous white reef. Every time I see this reef I feel the pain. The cut still hasn’t healed. This was the beginning. The waves hurled me against this reef. I thank God that it was my leg, which hit the reef first, not my head. Though my head wasn’t injured, I was unconscious for a long time. When I woke up, I immediately realised what had happened. I remembered how my ship sank and I still heard the screams of my mates deep in my head. I began to climb the reef, but failed because my muscles were extremely weak and the reef was too wet. I found a hole, a kind of cave in the reef, where I felt safe for the water and the wind. There I laid down and slept again. After that I noticed the well-known power returning. I was so thirsty that I licked the water that ran down the walls of the cave. Now I was strong enough to climb the reef. So this was the beginning - it started with a scar. |
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Wet to the bone I run into the house. The only good thing about all
this is that I am not hungry, that would be a problem right now. I use
the time for repairing my bed. This is the bad side of a house on a hill:
no protection against the weather.
I really don’t know how long the storm lasted, but it seemed quiet long to me. Now it has stopped. I step outside and take my self-made bag with me. After a horrible storm you can find more or less useful things on the beach, which have been washed ashore. So I keep on walking. This time I don’t have to hurry because nobody will be there to steal the things I need. When I arrive on the beach I notice one thing: sand again! I smile to myself and start to look for some useful things. I can see a large wooden board in the water, which would fit exactly for my bed. I try to catch it but it seems to swim further and further the nearer I come. After all I finally get it. I take it on beach and sit down in the sand for looking at it. I feel the well-known sadness again: What I hold in my hands was a part of my own ship. This board actually was a piece of one of the very expensive wooden doors I had bought especially for this journey. I sink down in the warm velvet sand and damn this island. |
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The way up to the top of the hill, where I built my house, can be dangerous for someone who doesn’t know it exactly. I chose this place for living because it seemed very safe to me (I am still not sure if there are any really dangerous animals on the island) and, maybe that’s the main reason, it has a perfect view over the sea to look out for ships. The view over the more than green forest calms my mind. I often sit here in front of my wooden house and enjoy the incredible view over the forest. Though they are very far away I can see the monkeys sitting in the trees. One day, while I was watching this big green ocean of trees, I thought - perhaps just for one or two seconds - I saw a man walking through the trees. I jumped up, tried to get a better view. My heart beat faster and faster, but than I understood that I was wrong, my eyes had fooled me. I slept very bad that night. In my dreams I sat there in front of my house, as I did a few hours ago, and I watched the same scene. But suddenly all the trees changed. They became men, like the man I have seen. I woke up and in that night, in that moment I realised my situation. I have never ever felt so lonely before. |
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After collecting some food, I return to my house. I look up at the sky, the clouds look like cotton wool. The sky is light blue and it is hard to see where the sky stops and the water begins. I am not used to see such a blue sky, maybe that’s why I watch it until my neck starts aching. But I am too long on the island for not knowing how fast the weather can change and how deceitful cotton wool clouds can be. A few weeks ago I got to learned by experience what it means to be in a storm. After the storm I had to build a new house... So I hurry up to bury my food in the ground for keeping it cold. But I am too slow. The rain crashes upon me. |
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I never knew how heavy eyelids can be. When I wake up it’s almost evening. I feel pain, but I cannot say exactly where the pain is. I think something is dislocated. I touch my head - blood. Standing up will be impossible, that’s sure. Even if my head hurts extremely, I am relieved that I didn’t fall into the water. Thank you, sharp, angular, hard rock! I look around . But what’s that. Is my head so injured that I have hallucinations? I cannot believe my eyes. On the open sea, I see a ship, a small sailing ship. I begin to wave my arms. Please, God, let them open their eyes! My heart is knocking. I press the lucky stone which is in my pocket. And yes, they see me. |